His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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