He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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