No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
