You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
