Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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