I wanna bring you to show and tell
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
