We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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