im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
