..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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