my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize