either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
