You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
