My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
