I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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