Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
