Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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