she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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