Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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