he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
