I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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