get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
