I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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