i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
