Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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