to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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