I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
