went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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