I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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