I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
