I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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