she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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