I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
