That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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