I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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