dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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