craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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