She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
