At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sobbing to NWA
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
