the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
