I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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