new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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