So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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