We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
