literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
