I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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