So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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