kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
