Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
