She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
