Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
