the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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