Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
