Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
