I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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