He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
