how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize