I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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