ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
