i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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