So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
