I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
