I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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