The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
