thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
