In the future we'll all be gay
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
