He kissed a someone with a penis
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
