sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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