I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
