honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
