Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
