I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
