If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
