no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
