just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
