We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
