everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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