So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
