We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
