I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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