I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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