I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
