i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got so high we made milksteak
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
