Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
