Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
