so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
